Assalammualaikum,
I am not sure where to begin, I am not sure why but I feel that I need to talk to someone.
I converted to Islam for the second time on 10th January 2001 just a month before my marriage with my ex-husband.
The first time I converted to Islam was in 1998 when I was in UNIMAS Sarawak. Yes, at that point I had someone in my life which I very much would like to marry but the law and a regulation of the states was frustrating. I find it in Malaysia, it is so easy to get someone to convert to Islam but when they want to get married they have to face ridiculous laws. When I got married to my second husband I was told to produce 2 Islam male witnesses whom I know for 10 years. How could I know such a person when I am a convert and upmost what is my relationship with that man. Then, my parents found out that I converted and I had to stop my degree program in UNIMAS and they came to his kampong and he did not put up a fight for me. I guess it was not meant to be anyway. When I came back to Kuala Lumpur, I was forced to convert back to Sikhism; the lawyer gave me an empty sheet of paper to sign. All the necessary ceremony was done.
Eventually, I had to move on the road that they want. I found a nice Punjabi guy but when the arrangement of getting engaged was going on, they were still not happy (my family). He is lower cast and so on. Sorry to say these people never understood what I want and what I am since birth. So break off.
Then, I was determined to find a job far away and I got an offer to be the Art & Craft Organiser for the Summerset Colonial Hotel & Villas, Kuala Lumpur Pahang. There I was closed to this man who eventually became my husband (ex). Soft spoken, even time he comes and takes me out after he finishes his prayer, his face looked calm, cold and honest. I have been having dreams of converting to Islam (the pull from Islam was since childhood) and on 10th January 2001, I asked my boss for time out and he was shocked to find out that I wanted to convert. After reciting my kalimah and revert back to Islam, I was given the name XXXXXXXX by my director. I felt empty and calm.
Then I married my husband after 1 month of conversion. Since the second day of marriage he started to abuse me physically and furthermore I was receiving threats from my parents to kill me and so on. Then I called Bukit Aman they said “oh you are still alive” and then I called PERKIM they said “Oh Awak tu Punjabi memang patut kena”. Everyday I will be beaten up, my head will be banged to the iron bar of the bed I even lost my first child when he kicked me in the tummy. But Alhamdulilah I had no pain and I take this as my test. He used to follow syiriks stuffs and so on. I hanged on even the doctors told me that I can’t conceive anymore. I prayed hajat everday and today I have my son. I was named a dog and so on and kafir a lot of things. Sadly there was no family. What I longed was a family. The main argument was for money. I managed to get a divorce.
3 years after that I met a Punjabi convert and tie the knot. He showed me that he follows Islam. I am not a fanatic but I have to see this quality. After marriage he followed Sikhism, he has 3 adult son’s. He stopped working and expects me to feed him and his son and asked me to place his name under my house and car. The marriage lasted 3 ugly months. I managed to talk him out of it.
That was the history, now I stay mainly with my parents this is because they are helping me to take care of my son. I was and still am criticized for converting. My younger brother although we stay in the same house has not spoken to me for the past 8 years. His wife told me that if she conceives a baby girl she will abort the baby as she don’t want her to be like me. Now, my son is getting more matured and he his grand parents are trying to teach him Sikhism. Sometimes my dad buys chicken from Chinese shop if I try to stop him he will use vulgar words to me. I pray daily to get a good spouse that will accept my son and I and live in the environment that we should. I got to know an Indian Muslim man in Dubai through some matrimony website but again I don’t know how should I check if he is genuine, only I trust in my prayers. I just dont want to go through another painful experience as I need peace and a family of my on where I belong. I feel like an orphan in my journey as a Muslim and putting up with the locals whom I know are not defending or living under Islamic Values but defending their rights as Bumiputra. Painful when they treat us as Indian and do not address nor accept us as Muslims.
What my request are:-
Son (XXXXXXXX) is 5 years old now. Since birth his dad never seen him or given any maintenance, I have struggled and I am tired too. I was told by makamah syariah that I can put him behind bars. I know he is married again and have a child, I will not do that as the poor innocent child will loose a father and maybe his food supply. I have tried asking around for financial Aid but the way they talk to me or see me is so devastating. I am treated like an outsider. I hope to recieve some financial Aid as I know we are entitled for but its the theory of who you know not who you are, sad.
I think every converts should be given a family or have some kind of network that helps them. Because most people who officially runs converts associations and issues never sacrifice and they don’t understand the pain.
I had borrowed loans from relatives before but it just multiplies, I have settle all and I am still waiting for AKPK approval to restructure my payments.
I seek free medical facilities in government or semi government hospitals for converts that are alone, single parents.
A true husband who is a guider and provider?
I wish there was free classes and books given away, like the Buddhist does. Every weekend the children and the parents goes and learn, children will have story telling, moral and Islamic studies while parents attend the classes. I know JAWI gives classes but the timing are not of safe time as crime rates are high.
Sometimes, I feel that I am lost still alone and has not seen any promising road, please take me back to the road and the light. Thank you.
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Warm Regards,
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Sumber: http://drmaza.com/home/?p=539
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